Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
