if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize