So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
