If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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