I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Randomize
