so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
she peed on how many people?
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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