i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
