one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
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