I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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