Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
