Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
