Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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