He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
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