HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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