I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
