Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
