Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
