I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
