quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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