Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
