I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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