theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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