Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
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He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
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Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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