Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
You left your phone here
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