her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
