Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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