i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
