there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
