Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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