Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
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