If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Randomize
