I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Randomize
