I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
