My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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