my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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