i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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