So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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