I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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