a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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