the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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