Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize