I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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