This girl is more easily done than said...
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
