Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
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