HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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