Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Will you blow on my dice?
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
