If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
me + whiskey = a bad person
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial