white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I can feel your judgement through the phone