Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
So much rum. So many feels.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
