you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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