i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
