"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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