I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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