Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
