Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
