I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
