is your mom at the bar?
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I would ride that face into the sunset
Randomize
