I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Randomize
