i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
