i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Congratulations! We have a period
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
