When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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