is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
