FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
