I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
