i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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