she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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