I accidentally had phone sex last night
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
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