You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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