Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
