super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
