I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
